FNF: New York City Is All Porny

Another Friday, another Friday Night Funny story for me to post on my blog. Thank goodness there are no pictures, as the story is salacious enough.

As I wrote previously, my Granny was my best friend growing up as a kid. She was a special person in my life and taught me a lot. One of the things she taught me was the joy of travel. I was very lucky as a kid, having gone to both Disneyland and Disney World, Hawaii twice, London England, Paris France, and lots of other places with my Granny. This story is about our trip to New York City.

Granny worked in downtown Chicago at Lake Shore Bank on Michigan Avenue as a customer service representative. She knew Chicago, and thought since she could handle Chicago, New York City would be just a step up in size. I don’t know if she quite was ready for what NYC dished out.

I think I was about 12 years old when we made the trip to NYC. Granny booked the trip through a travel agent I think, but not exactly a tour package. I think the plan was to explore the big city for ourselves.

The first thing that caught my eye entering the hotel room was a strange device on the door. On the inside of the hotel door was a large metal bar, which reached from the middle of the door to the floor. I would later understand this to be a safety device to prevent someone from bashing down the door, but I hadn’t ever seen one before (or since).

The first couple of days were pure bliss. We toured the city, ate the food, and took in two Broadway musicals. One of those musicals was “The Wiz”. What was completely awesome was that the day after the show we met Stephanie Mills and two members of the cast on the streets of New York. They were really pleasant to two fans, asking us about the show.

The third day we were basically on our own. I was a huge fan of pinball back then and we went to the biggest arcade I ever saw in my life. More pinball machines than you can shake a stick at. I was in pinball heaven.

As we left the arcade, we walked the streets of New York looking at some of the shops and taking in the sites. I spotted another pinball machine, one that the arcade didn’t have. And of course it needed my quarter and needed to be played. I told Granny I was going to play, and she continued to look in the shops, knowing approximately where I would be heading.

I put in my quarter and started to play pinball. Apparently I didn’t at all look at where the pinball machine was located. I didn’t really care; I just wanted to play pinball. Granny gets done with the shop, and then comes to meet up with me.

She noticed something I didn’t, that the establishment that I walked into play pinball was a bar. And of course not just any bar. A bar where ladies take their tops off and expose their breasts. Her 12-year-old grandson was playing pinball in a topless bar!

She was sly and was able to get me away from the machine. Most importantly, she got me away from the machine without me even looking at one booby. And she would of almost made it if I didn’t put up a fuss about wanting to play pinball. She then explained to me that it wasn’t the right kind of place for a kid.

A little flustered by this small brush with naughtiness, Granny insisted we head back to the hotel room. I said OK, and was planning on watching some television.

The hotel television had a box connected to it where you could watch movies. I believe we were looking to see the movie “Oh God!” with George Burns, good wholesome family entertainment. I went ahead and pressed the buttons, and turned on the television set.

The TV took awhile to come on, apparently it was an older set and needed warming up. Then upon the screen I apparently saw a sight that I had missed in my previous experience. As the picture became clearer and clearer, there were jiggling breasts displayed on the screen. Granny lunges towards the television set and turns it off.

Apparently Granny was fearful of breasts, because in both cases she felt the urge to run away. So we had to leave our hotel room. We retreated to the arcade where there was an abundance of pinball and no bare breasts. I played pinball, Granny regained her composure, and then we left the arcade and started to walk around.

As I said in my previous story, Granny can’t resist a good Disney movie. So as we travel the streets we spot a movie theatre that sure enough one is playing a Disney movie classic. We go walking up to the theatre box office and Granny asks for two tickets, one adult and one child.

“Are you SURE you want to bring the kid into the theatre?”, says the man in the ticket booth.

Granny is surprised at such a question, and fires back, “Sure, why not? This is Disney’s Alice in Wonderland, right? It’s a kid’s movie.”

The man responds, “Lady, this movie is ALEX in Wonderland, and it is a pornographic movie. This ain’t no Disney film.”

Granny was flustered once again, and we headed back to the hotel room. No television of course. And headed back home the next day. It was an adventure to be sure, and while I think travel broadens horizons, I think this NYC trip added a few more gray hairs on Granny’s head.

The End.