FNF: The Kryptonite Story

On Fridays I intend to post a humorous story. I can’t promise one every Friday though. I call these stories FNF meaning “Friday Night Funny”. To be absolutely honest while the core of these stories is true, I have to admit I might embellish them just a little.

My first story is “The Kryptonite Story”. I hope you enjoy it.

As Sophia from Golden Girls would open, “Picture it, Dolton, Illinois, USA. The year is 1978…”

A movie came out called “Superman” staring Christopher Reeve as Superman and Gene Hackman as the evil villain Lex Luthor. Of course I was going to see it. What kid wouldn’t want to see a Superman movie!

My favorite cinema for seeing movies was in Lansing Illinois in a mall called simply River Oaks. The theatre was behind the huge mall. I think I went with friends, because I had some money but didn’t see the movie with my parents.

Standing in the line at the concession stand, I saw a placard that the stand was selling a necklace. From what I remember it was a glowing rock on a chain, and it was called Kryptonite. It might have been just glow in the dark. Even though I would have liked to buy one, I didn’t have the pocket money after paying for my ticket and concessions. So I was contrite to just watch the movie and enjoy my popcorn.

The movie was awesome! Lots of special effects, and even through Luthor didn’t have any superpowers he still had all the presence of a good villain.

Later on, my Mom tells me that her and Dad were going to see the movie themselves. They were going to make a date night out of it for just the two of them. I think my Granny was going to stay with me while they went.

I told my Mom about the Kryptonite and that I really wanted to buy a piece of the jewelry but couldn’t. I liked the movie and wanted a souvenir to remember it. She said she would get me one.

Then my Mom comes home rather upset with me. “Why did you play such a horrible joke on your Mother?” I was confused. Why was she angry? “You have no idea how embarrassed I was!” I was still confused.

She calmed down a little, and I finally got a chance to talk to her and find out what went on…

To my horror I found out that she didn’t go with Dad to the River Oaks theatre at all. They apparently went to a different theatre. A theatre that didn’t sell the necklaces.

My Mom went up to the counter, and asked politely for the concession worker to sell her some Kryptonite. The theatre employee had no idea what she was talking about other than the obvious movie reference, and asks her, “And what are you intending to do with this Kryptonite Mrs. Luthor?! Do you think you can stop Superman?”

My Mom tries to explain to the employee that there was supposed to be jewelry that he was selling and she wanted a necklace souvenir. The clerk hadn’t a clue what she meant, as he never heard of such a thing.

So Mom thinks that I set the whole thing up as some sick joke to embarrass her. Which it wasn’t. Still not sure to this day if she believes the truth or not. Maybe this will help convince her. Cause if it was a joke I would have admitted it by now. And it wouldn’t have been as funny as this freak accident.

The End.