Sunday, June 12, 2011

RANT: Standing In Long Lines: An Antiquated Practice

Short lines, long lines, fast lines, and slow lines we hate them all. Back in the day, we were told that in communist Russia, long lines formed just to obtain toilet tissue. However, still today we stand in line to get something we want.

Our patience for standing in line is determined by how much we want what is at the end of the line. If we really want to ride that roller coaster, we’ll stand in line for it. However, many of us will see that the line is long and take a pass.

Lines are bad for business. A customer might spend an hour in the store picking their purchases. Then they get to the line and wait their turn to pay for and receive merchandise. If the line is too long, or moving too slowly, the customer will seek out another line in the hopes that it is moving faster. If it looks completely hopeless, the customer will leave their cart and merchandise and leave the store. Then an employee will need to take the cart and put everything back onto the shelves. End result: store has made no revenue and lost labor in putting back the intended purchases.

Most businesses understand this. They train employees to quickly scan and process customers. They open additional aisles as necessary, trying to do everything they can to get the customer’s money and let them be on their way. They provide aisles with a requirement that the customer have a small number of items. This prevents losing a sale because the customer doesn’t have as much invested in their purchase. If a customer only spends 15 minutes in the store, he is unlikely to spend 30 minutes in line paying for it.

I understand why my fellow customers and I stand in line. It is because we want the end result. We want the food we purchased at the grocery store, and we are willing to wait our turn to pay for that food and leave with the food.

One line I don’t understand is the line to do something that you have no interest in. For example, you go to Bob Evans for breakfast. You are seated, you order, and you eat the breakfast. Then the cashier gives you a receipt and you go the counter and stand in line to pay. In this case, what is the point in standing in line? You already got fed. In fact standing in this line you lose money. The only benefit for you is knowing you are a good honest human being who pays for their food. Is that really enough? Sorry, but I think that restaurants who have the waiter or waitress take the payment is a much more efficient practice. I am still sitting down, sipping on my beverage, while I wait for the server to return.

Line management is also a major headache. People in this country will stand in line for hours upon hours. Some will even wait overnight and basically camp in the line. I remember standing in line to see the movie “Batman” and we were there so long, we had someone bring us dinner. If someone tries to cut in line or violates line etiquette, the once patient people in line can be aggravated even to the point of violence. This is why security becomes a must.

They say line jumping in theme parks will get someone kicked out. However, I have only seen security deal with one line jumper. Every other case, it appears that the line jumper gets away with it. Usually they have some kind of excuse as to why they get to jump ahead. And really, if they are close to leaving anyway, why not line jump. The only penalty is being kicked from the park, and if you’re leaving anyway that isn't much of a deterrent.

But why make customers stand in line in the first place? If you have only 200 seats in your theater available, sell them tickets in advance and have them come back later. If you only have 60 of the newest game console to sell, pre-sell them to the first 60 people in line.

Disney theme parks understand the cost of lines. When a customer is standing in line, they aren’t enjoying themselves, and most importantly they aren’t spending money. Disney put in a reservation system where your place in line is held by a computer reservation. Customers get a ticket that tells them to come back later and they can get into a much shorter line.

A lot of restaurants understand lines as well, especially to get a seat. If there is a line at the host station it is typically a short one. They may take names, but a lot now use electronic pagers to call customers. Hosts often give an estimate to customers as to how long it will take to get a seat. If the host says 45 minutes to an hour, the customers are very likely to turn away and seek food elsewhere. If it is something the customer really wants though, there are some that will wait that hour for a seat.

However, where restaurants fail is the wait area for these customers. Many don’t have the space for all those customers to wait for a table. There is often a shortage of seats in waiting areas. One would think the bar area would help with the wait, however that area fills quickly and often with customers that are not buying liquor. A bar area really doesn’t help deal with waiting customers.

Computers are notably absent from host stations. Typically they use an erasable board or even paper and pen. If they had computers, they could keep track of customers better as well as be more scientific in the estimation of a wait time. They might also be better able to explore other options in managing the demand.

While I don’t think lines will be eliminated in the future, I think there are definitely some methods we could use to make lines shorter and better managed. You can now purchase movie tickets on line and print them out on your printer. Some restaurants are even taking reservations over the Internet. Telephone support systems now uses a method where they call you back rather than have you continue to wait on the phone. We might even get to the point where rather than standing in line for a roller coaster, we have an iPhone ap that gives us a reservation time and reminds us when we can go ride.

Long lines should be extinct like the dinosaurs they are.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Epicurean


Served at the old Marshall Field’s department store restaurants in Chicago, this open faced sandwich is beyond delicious. Here is the recipe:

2 slices buttered toast – trimmed
1-1/2 oz (2 slices) ham, sliced and cooked
2 oz (2 -3 slices) turkey or chicken sliced and cooked
2 tablespoons mushrooms, sliced and sautéed
¾ cup parisienne sauce ( see below)
¼ cup New York cheddar cheese grated
Dash of paprika

On serving plate, place one slice of toast in center and one sliced cut diagonally on each end.

Top the toast with the other ingredients in order as listed above. Dash with paprika. Broil 5” from flame until browned and bubbling. Be sure the parisienne sauce covers all. Makes 1 serving.

Parisienne Sauce

5 tablespoons butter or margarine
7-1/2 tablespoons flour
1-1/2 cups chicken stock or broth
½ cup cream
1 teaspoon salt

Combine butter and flour together. Add chicken stock slowly to make a gravy. Stir constantly with a whisk. Cook until thickened and bubbly. Warm the cream and add to the gravy. Add salt as needed. NOTE: if this recipe is made with butter it will require less salt. Makes 2 cups.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

FNF: Brien’s Stories

It’s been awhile since writing a Friday Night Funny story, and the muse was upon me so I decided to type out another. OK, so I am posting this on a Sunday, so we’ll consider this a FNF a couple days late.

In the 90’s I hung around a lot with my pal Brian. Though back in the day he spelled it Brien. He was like me in some ways and unlike me in many others, which I think is the basis of a good friendship.

One time, we went to see a movie. I can’t seem to remember the title. We had gotten there early, so we had to wait until they were ready to let us in. We played some video games, and then got a couple of sodas. He got a Dr. Pepper, and I got a Coke. We then sat in the lobby and waited until they were ready.

The sodas were the same size and looked identical. I took up what I thought was my soda, and began to take a sip. Immediately I realized that I grabbed Brien’s Dr. Pepper instead of my Coke. Slowly and as carefully as I could I laid down his soda exactly where it was.

I think Brien was reading something and seemed distracted, so I got away with it. Then I hear him remark, “So how was that Dr. Pepper?”. Damn! Apparently I learned then that I am not as slick as I thought I was.

The funniest moment though was at a Best Buy store. Being a tech nerd it remains one of my favorite places to shop. Brien went with me one day, and we were looking though CDs. With Brien being at least 10 years my younger, we definitely had some different tastes in music.

For some unknown reason, the discussion that Brien and I had in the record department turned into a light argument. Brien maintained that I knew nothing of the latest decade in music. I admit being a child of the 80s, that music will always be a part of me. However, Brien chooses to criticize me for not opening my mind to more modern music of the 90s.

I admit that I listen to some modern tunes, even today. There is some stuff I like, but most of the modern music coming out is not what I would call quality.

Brien set through a challenge. Music was playing in the Best Buy store, and Brien said to me, “I bet you don’t even know what artist is playing the song that is playing.”

I listened to the music intensely, and after the song was over, I remarked, “It sounds like Garbage to me”

Brien’s jaw completely dropped and eyes widened in surprised, and got a bit of a stammer in his voice when he said “yeah, yeah, that’s right. How did you know?”

I responded, “It just sounded like Garbage to me”.

Then Brien got a bit of a questioning look to his face, not quite believing me, and rephrased his question, “No, how did you know that the band’s name was Garbage?”

“There’s a band named Garbage?” I said.

We laughed about the confusion, and I got a complete lesson in the alternative rock band Garbage.

Microwave Rice Cooker Instructions




Just putting it here so I don't lose the instructions (again).

Basically with a 1000 watt Microwave, kick it down to 70% power. 1 1/2 cups water, 2 1/2 cups rice for 13 to 15 minutes.



Saturday, December 25, 2010

FNF: Christmas Memories

This year I have been a little down in the dumps about Christmas. However, in the past there have been some funny moments from Christmas. I decided to write them down. So here we go…

A Wal-Mart Christmas Carol

Twas a couple days before Christmas many years ago. My friend Johnna owned a small salon in Mishawaka Indiana. Her Christmas party that she held at the shop was one of the best I ever attended. On the face it wasn’t extravagant, some holiday decorations, and food brought in. But we played board games and cards and laughed all night, and enjoyed ourselves immensely.

I came up with a collection of “Salon Carols” that I wish I saved the lyrics for. Basically I took classic Christmas songs and changed the lyrics around in my typical creative style. We sang them, horribly off key.

Johnna had a last minute gift she needed to get at Wal-Mart, so off to the store we went. We were all in a little bit of a playful mood, and oddly stone cold sober. Johnna enters the store and decides she wants a career as a greeter there, so she tells the crowd “Welcome to Wal-Mart, the carts are in the back!”.

The Christmas gift Johnna needs to buy is a Dremel brand Rotary Tool. She finds exactly what she needs and we all head to the counter so she can make her purchase.

We get to the counter, and the clerk tries to scan the tool. After several passes, she realizes that it won’t go through. She punches in the UPC, but apparently the register asks her for the name as well. It isn’t a standard keyboard on the register, and she doesn’t apparently type letter characters often. So She takes a moment to enter it…. D…. R…..E….M….E…… The cashier couldn’t find the last letter for Dremel. To which she responds. “There is No ‘L’”

Being in our giddy mood, I lead our little group in a stirring musical rendition of “No ‘L’, No ‘L’, No ‘L’, No ‘L’…”. We got some stares from shoppers that night, and sadly no tips or even any Wassail.

Male Chauvinist Child

OK, I admit it, I grew up in an old fashioned “traditional” family environment. Dad worked at Republic Steel Mill, Mom stayed home and took care of the house and cooked the food. As an impressionable youth, I had some very clear views on the roles of women and men. Since, of course, I have come to respect that the roles can be different, even entirely reversed. OK, disclaimers made.

One Christmas as a child, my Mother took me to a Christmas party of some kind. It was huge with a lot of kids in attendance. At the party they had both Santa and Mrs. Claus, and kids were lining up to visit one or the other. The line to see Santa as humongous, while the line to talk to Mrs. Claus was notably smaller.

So Mom encourages me to talk to Mrs. Claus, because the line is shorter. “You know Keith, she’ll tell Santa everything you tell her”, my Mom explains to me. It made sense to me because Mom tells Dad everything I do, especially when I do something bad.

We get in the short line and wait patiently to see Mrs. Claus. When it is my turn I get up and ask her “Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home cooking and cleaning for Santa and the Elves?” My Mom shook her head in disbelief. To this day she still likes telling this tale of her chauvinistic son.


Great Grandma Newcomb

No collection of Christmas memories would be complete for me without a mention of my Great Grandmother Martha Newcomb. She was a little, frail, bookish retired schoolteacher. In fact, I think she was one of the very first schoolteachers in her small town in Indiana.

Every year, she would come to Chicago to the home of my Grandma Gergel to visit with the family. All my cousins were there, and we would eat Grandma’s excellent turkey dinner, open gifts, and play cards. (I am starting to notice a pattern of good Christmases and card playing).

Every year, Great Grandma Newcomb would give the kids shirts with our names on it. I would get a shirt with the name “KEITH” blazoned across it, as my brother got one with “MARK” on it.

Being a kid back then, I never understood what the shirts were about, or even questioned them. My brother, cousins, and I would all wear ours and think nothing of it.

See, Great Grandma was famous for what the family called “Grandma Newcomb-itus” where she couldn’t keep people’s names straight. Especially all the kids. So the names on the shirts were a clever ruse by her to get around it. We would sit next to her, she would read the shirt, and then she would ask us by name how school was going, etc.

It’s a shame that I didn’t figure it out sooner. Would have loved to switch shirts with my cousins and had her think that my name is “DANNY” or even funnier yet “JENNY”.

Great Grandma Newcomb also had a tradition. Every Christmas she would save the ribbons off all of the presents. She would collect them all in a paper bag and take them home with her.

For years we wondered what she did with them, because from what we saw she never used one of the old ribbons in a following Christmas. I don’t think anyone even ever asked her either.

My Great Grandma Newcomb made to live to see her upper upper 90s. We were all rooting for her to hit the big 100, but that didn’t happen sadly. My Dad told me that after she passed, they opened one of the closets in her home and out fell thousands upon thousands of Christmas ribbons.

Great Grandma Newcomb used to always cook a Wick’s Sugar Cream Pie when we visited her in Indiana. Every once in awhile I get one of those pies at the store, and think of her, and the Christmas ribbons.


A Very Merry Christmas to everyone, and even those who do not celebrate the holiday (like myself this year): Being the end of the year it is only proper to reflect on the past and the good times shared with family and friends. For January brings a new year, full of promise and hope. I wish everyone luck, health, and prosperity in the coming year.

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Tonk

A Fun Card Game

One Poker Deck of 52 cards, not using Jokers
Three tokens for each player (these can be nickels, quarters, or just poker chips)

History

When I was a kid my Great Grandmother Martha Newcomb brought to us a card game. The adults and kids alike loved to play it. Typically we would play for nickels. Every Christmas and Thanksgiving we would bring nickels to play Tonk.

I am not sure about where the game actually came from. I have heard variations called “Knock Poker”. Researching various books on card games revealed that the actual card game of Tonk is completely different. Presented are the rules as we played and enjoyed them.

The Game

The game starts with all players sitting at a table with three tokens in front of each player. The first dealer is decided or randomly determined. The dealer shuffles and deals three cards face down to each player, puts the remaining cards in the center of the table, and overturns the top card which becomes the discard pile.

The player to the dealer’s right is the player that gets to go first. The player looks at his three cards. The score of the player’s hand is determined by the highest number of one suit. For example, having 5♥, K♣, and 2♣ represents a score of 12, with the king counting as 10. The five of hearts is not part of the score since combination of the other two cards is higher. The score must all be in the same suit. The face cards (king, queen, and jack) all have a value of 10. The Ace has a value of 11. The number cards from 2 through 10 are scored based on that number.

The player has the following choices:
1.) The player can draw the top upward facing card from the discard pile, usually to complement his/her hand and increase his/her score. However since it is face up for all to see, doing so reveals what suit you are saving to other players, and you might not get lucky in getting another good discard on future turns. The player then discards one card face up to the discard pile.
2.) The player can draw the top downward facing card off of the deck. This will allow the player to keep what is received a secret. The player then discards one card face up to the discard pile.
3.) You can “knock”. When you knock, you physically knock on the table. Deciding to knock is important. What you are doing is telling the other players that you believe that your hand is the highest, or at the very least your hand is not the lowest. When you knock, you do not get a turn, instead your opponents get one extra round to improve their hand. When the turn returns to you, everyone reveals their cards. The player with the lowest score puts one of their tokens in the center. If two or more players have the same lowest score, all of them put a token in the center.

The highest score possible is 31, which includes an Ace and two cards with a value of 10. Again, they must all be in the same suit. When it is your turn, and you have acquired this score of 31, or if you have been dealt the score and it is your turn, you put down your cards and announce “Tonk!”. All of the player's opponents who got Tonked put one of their tokens into the center of the pot. The player who got the Tonk does not lose a token.

The player to the dealer’s right that is still in the game shuffles and deals three cards to each player, and play continues.

As I stated previously, all the players start with three tokens. These represent three strikes. However in the course of play, players will lose these tokens. When a player has lost all three of his/her tokens to the pot, he/she is allowed to play “on their honor”. This is like an invisible fourth token. It is completely possible for a player to win the game on their honor. If the player loses on their honor, he/she leaves the table and is out of the game.

Play continues until one player is left at the table. At that point, the one remaining player takes the pot and wins the game.

Friday, September 24, 2010

FNF: Open Mouth Insert Foot

This week’s FNF is rather short, but they do take longer to set up than facebook would allow me to post there. So here we go…

I am sure everyone had those moments where you said something that maybe you shouldn’t have, catching yourself later. These are two such circumstances.

The first one happened very recently, last weekend in fact. I finally decided on getting another gaming system. I am totally against Microsoft after purchasing my Zune only to have it totally die on me. Also, I have heard and seen the “red rings of death” on the Xbox. So I believe that Microsoft can’t make decent hardware and won’t buy an Xbox, even though the games look very attractive.

I decided on a Nintendo Wii. I have to admit that I like the way you wave the wand around and it way it reacts. Even a simple game of bowling is made fun with it. Plus Netflix works on the Wii, so that is a plus there as well.

So I walk into Wal-Mart last weekend to look at a Nintendo Wii game system. I go to the glass counter, and I see they have two. However, something is different, these are black. Before I decided on purchasing one, I wanted to make sure that it was as good (if not better) than the traditional white one I have seen before.

The case is locked, so I need to find someone to help me. I go to the electronics counter and wait for an available salesperson. A dark skinned African-American sales associate was at the counter. Without thinking I blurt out… “Hello, I would like to see your BLACK Wii (wee) please.” … I then stumbled, because although the gentleman was attractive I was not hitting on him… and then quickly recovered “the Nintendo Wii in the case, I would like to take a look”. I don’t think he caught it, or didn’t call attention to my remark. He got another associate with keys to show me to the case, and I bought one.


The next stumble happened some time ago. For all the restaurant chains in Columbus, there aren’t a lot of Long John Silver seafood restaurants. I have to travel a bit to get to the one closest to where I live.

At the time, they were having a special called the “Boatload of Seafood” which included basically everything from fish, shrimp, clams, etc etc. It looked good.

So I get up to the counter, look the cashier right in the eyes and place my order for a “BUTTLOAD of Seafood”. Apparently my filthy mind decided to take over. I was embarrassed, but the cashier admitted it was a more common mistake than I thought and we had a bit of a laugh about it.

Words are fun, and even when we stumble on them, they can be more fun.
The trick is having the ability to laugh at yourself about it later.